Dear Chevre,
As you might be aware, Bowen Island's Shirat HaYam
celebrated Parshat Beha'alotcha with the welcoming of our own Torah! Our
scroll's age is about two hundred years old and it was written in Germany. I contributed this d'var to our service
for several reasons.
Though I do not know my great grandmother's name nor her
birthplace, I do know that she lived in Germany and very likely at the time of
the reading of this Torah. I know
that my great grandmother's life was very hard. Several years ago I wrote a story
for Keren Or entitled The Promise. That story was inspired by
what I knew of my grandmother's life. I doubt that my great grandmother was
ever able to read or hold a Torah. How wondrous and miraculous it is that her
great granddaughter could hold one and perhaps a Torah that was near to my great
grandmother in her life! My
offering also honoured and remembered our beloved Rabbi Nomi Oren Ehren Lis z'l
whose presence kindled us all and who brought the light of Torah to us on our
little island before it ever arrived in its physical form. So in gratitude for all that my
dear friend brought to me and to us, for all that my great grandmother endured
and for the love that she sent forth into our world, this d'var was dedicated
to Nomi and to my great grandmother. I send an excerpt from my d'var to all of
you.
B'shalom
Dale
Parshat Beha'alotcha
With
my thanks to all on Bowen Island in our very holy community for welcoming me to
open and share this parsha and thank you to
Rabbi
Yaakov Asher Sinclair
Rabbi
Laura Duhan Kaplan
My
Beloved Zelik
Our parsha this week is the thirty - sixth (A double chai) Beha'alotcha means to cause to go up or
to cause the mounting or to cause to raise up the lighting. Causing to go up implies that something
causes us the need to go up -- perhaps we would not go up unless there was a
reason for us to go up, and I offer that this parsha is about the necessity of
the wilderness and the instruction of the way to go up in the midst of it; for
this place of barrenness, hunger, fear, anger, unknowing, confusion is the place of our greatest need. It
is this place which may offer us the way to find our strongest deepest
connection to the divine. I
offer that the wilderness place is a necessary place, an important part of our
becoming holy. And our parsha is filled with G-d's instructions- how do we go up to G-d, how do we raise
up our lights in the surround of our wilderness.
In
response to these questions, I offer my own midrash about Miryam.
Here
are a few notes before reading "How Miryam Raised Up The Light"
Inside
this parsha are two prayers uttered by Moshe. After traveling out Moshe
prays. "Arise Oh G-d and
scatter your enemies! Let your foes flee before you." When it came to rest, he said "Return O G-d to the myriads of
Israel's thousands."
In
the Torah, this prayer is set apart by the insertion of two upside down
nuns. Kabbalist scholar Edward
Hoffman writes that Nun represents the number 50 and Nun symbolizes faith and
vibrancy in spiritual life. Nun begins the Hebrew word prophecy (Navooah) and
prophet (Navi).
A
second prayer is uttered by Moshe at the end of the parsha for Miryam's
healing. "El na refa na
la." Na is a nun followed by
an aleph. Though, Na may be translated as, please, there is a teaching that the na has no word
meaning. As a double letter, Nun
opens and closes the Hebrew word niggun meaning melody or tune and in Jewish
tradition, music has always been prized as a spiritual force, a doorway to
transcendent experience.
Miryam
means bitter water and also water dropping
How
Miryam Raised Up The Light
The
night that G-d sent Miryam out
There
was a terrible silence in the camp
for
as Miryam was stricken
so
were they all
because
many believed in secret
that
it was Miryam who carried their sickness and
and
their bitterness away
and
they were afraid about what might happen to them
In
the centre of the wilderness
in
the terrible silence of the camp
Miryam
went outside the camp
and
she carried her shame like a white hot torch
and
it lit her way.
In
the centre of her silence
she
whispered to herself
I
am angry
I
have been forgotten
by
G-d
Aharon
and Moshe
hold
the light and the power for all to see
while
I, protecting for seven years before,
the
life of my brother, am not honoured
No,
instead I am punished
Hineini
Here
I am
See
my body
covered
with snow
I
will be cold
I
will be stubborn
Then
she whispered
Hineini
Adonai
Here
I am
where
you have put me
Miryam
bitter water is here
My
heart is ice
Here
I am
Miryam
My
heart is bitter water frozen
She
will not cry
She
will not weep
for
even Miryam's tears are bitter hail
Punished
Prophetess stretches out her body
would
sink down into the mantle of the wilderness
if
the wilderness would have her but it will not
No
one will have her
She
is angry
The
wind of the desert came up
rushing
over her
and
she felt the feathers of the dead quail blow against her hard and
the
scent of death of the people and the birds was a blanket over her
She
tasted it so that she choked on it and could not breathe
Miryam's
anger is changed by the death scent.
Miryam
is terrified that she will die too
and
so her soul calls out to G-d
"Adonai,
Don't put me here!"
Then
the sickness was upon G-d's girl, the scales tight, pressing the breath out of
her, and she fell into a senseless place
Now
G-d loved Miryam, Beloved daughter, Beloved midwife,
Beloved
prophetess
and
so G-d sent two angels down to her outside the camp
The
angels enfolded her
Oh,
Miryam! They took her arms and lifted her up
then
rose with her into the sky
Open
your eyes Miryam they said
See
What you could not see before!
so
Miryam did that and looked down and back in time
to
the Miryam that was before
She
saw her desperation, her jealousy like a pall as she coveted what G-d had given
to Aharon and Moshe. It was a cloud that separated her from the myriads.
She
saw the striving nation kindled in the Darkness
with
Aharon astride the lights of the seven branched menorah
the
seven flames lighting the days of the weeks
bright
with G-d's holiness
She
saw her brother Aharon radiant with the going up
there
in the wilderness with nothing but the instruction of
"how
to light so that he could kindle the multitude"
And
her heart felt his willingness and his joy and she was stirred by it
She
saw the Levites there before him
with
not one hair left on their bodies
to
separate their skins from the
touch of holiness that came
from
G-d's presence that shone from Aharon's fires
And
she saw their courage
She
saw Moshe her brother, fallen down and afraid and she saw
the
seventy elders, G-d's appointed vessels, who came to hold
him
up so that he would not shatter with the pain of all of those
who
could not believe
And
She heard his prayer
And
Miryam's heart felt his travail that she had not never seen before and her
jealousy at him begins to dissolve
Then
Miryam heard a great wailing below
Miryam
turns in question to the angels
and
she sees them
she
beholds them
Changing
form
not
beings holding her up
but
nuns of Blue and gold making a portal above her
a
portal below her
The
angels let her go down then
through
this portal of the angel's bodies
so
that she came down
to
the wailing below
She
came down into the centre of the wailing
coming
in the quail cloud to the people who hungered and would not believe
She
felt herself a bird
caught
and fed upon
so
that her body disappeared as those that fed upon her disappeared
and
her spirit - only her spirit remained
a
silver thread
held
by the divine one
stretched
between heaven and earth
In
the darkness
in
the fragile promised shimmer of life
She
feels the tug to live earth and her love but she is blinded
the
soul of Miryam cries out to G-d
Show
me the way to go up. I do not know
how to go up, Shaddai.
My
pain was my path and it has led me away from everyone, even from myself, but
not from you.
"Show
me how to go up" her soul cries out
El
na refa na la
The
singing words are a path shining in the dark
El
na refa na la Moshe callschants the healing prayer
The
words from the love in him calling to G-d to send his sister back
and
the breath of G-d rush through the silver thread of
Miryam
to meet the prayer
love
to love
Miryam's spirit becomes a silver nun connected
to
heaven
and connected to earth and she touches what was
always
promised to her but which she could not feel through
her
anger and underneath that, her fear
she
feel's G-d's love of her
Miryam
opens her eyes
Though
it is dark
she
can see her body
is
still there
luminous
the
scales falling away
armor
falling away
until
she sees herself
Miryam
is newborn and clean
And
she feels a rising up within her
A
going up with her heart to El
with
her faith and not her fear
And
as she breathes
she
feels her heart
a
waterfall rushing
towards
home
She
looks across into the camp
to
see the day dawning
Moshe
and Aharon are waiting for her
They
are all waiting for her
It
has been a week
Hineini
she calls out to them
standing
up on colt's legs
the
hail of her tears is wet down her
cheeks
and
the water is pooling round her feet
I
am willing
to
come up as only I am
And
so Miryam reenters the camp
and
is surrounded by them all
because
they could never go without her
All
the myriads of Israel's thousands
receive
her back and not in fear now
for
Miryam is fearless
I
am water dropping she says
and
Miryam comes inside the camp
and
she carries her love like a white hot torch streaming light between heaven and
earth
and
it lights their way.
And
so they can all continue on . . .
Bracha
Sivana
Sivan 21 5766
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