Toldot

Nature, Nurture, or Choice?

Rabbi Laura Duhan Kaplan

For the first half of their lives, Yaakov and Esav do not get along. How did they become so difficult to get along with: heredity or environment? nature or nurture?

Perhaps it's just their nature. Rivkah, mother of Yaakov and Esav, pegs their personalities before they are even born. She can tell by the way they kick each other inside her womb that they will be combative children, at odds with one another.

Or perhaps it's a matter of nurture. Their mother Rivkah favors Yaakov and their father Yitzchak favors Esav. No wonder the boys grow up fighting over who gets the blessing from Mom and Dad!

Yet, in middle age, Yaakov and Esav reconcile. How do they learn to be forgiving? How do they move beyond their early programming, and consciously choose a better life? Esav sees the pain that his first marriage causes his parents, and decides to make a wiser second choice. Yaakov marries into a family where manipulation and exploitation is the norm. After wrestling with himself, he chooses to heal his relationship with Esav.

Torah recognizes that a parent's legacy, good or bad, can last four generations. But Torah also recognizes that human development is lifelong! From bar mitzvah to old age, each person has the opportunity to reflect, understand, and choose the good.

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