Vayigash

Forgiveness and Atonement

Inspired by Rabbi Lawrence Kushner and Dr. Barry Gan

Does forgiveness take place when a victim decides to stop being trapped by the past? Or can a victim only forgive when the perpetrator repents?

Yosef, once put in a pit by his older brothers, sold into slavery and taken for dead, is now a high-ranking Egyptian minister. His older brothers, who have come to Egypt to buy food from him, do not recognize him. Yosef frames his younger brother Binyamin for theft, threatens to throw him into a dungeon, and take him as a slave. Fortunately, the older brothers choose to prevent Binyamin from going through what they put Yosef through.

Only then does Yosef "make himself known" to his brothers, opening himself to the possibility of new relationship. Yet when he reveals himself, he tells his brothers not to feel guilty about their past abusive treatment of him. "It was all part of God's plan to bring me to this place," he says. It seems he has already forgiven them; yet he waits for evidence of their repentance before letting them know.

Perhaps this story illustrates the inseparability of inner change and interpersonal forgiveness. Only after the brothers have been parents themselves do they act and speak differently; only after Yosef has reframed the story of his life is he ready to accept his brothers' apology. At Yom Kippur, we are asked to engage in all the parts of this process: examine ourselves, ask forgiveness, and accept apologies from others.

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